When Money Talks: People Listen

"when im in great pain, all i can do is cry. i feel helpless in times like this. i wanted to shout but i might look crazy, so i kept my mouth shut and breathe deeply. feel the pain and think that this is just one test of time"
--mirthedle b. de vera--

from 1 in the morning up to this very moment, i have not yet found inner peace, i am still awake and i kept on thinking about everything. my sister went to the nearby city to look for a possible place where both of us can stay for at least 6 moths (the whole duration of our review) and sent me an SMS stating that she found the cheapest place, its kinda decent and fair enough, though she described it as a place that looked like diagon alley where Peter Petigrew stayed, and i was like: what?! so ok.
i was keeping my composure and tried to imagine what would that place looked like. i needed a clean place where i am able to breathe. a place decent enough to be called a second home.
the only problem is that we needed to pay a 2 month advance and a month deposit and that would cost about... hmm.. just enough to put tears on my eyes and i was thinking, oh God, please not at this point in time. please, let it not be this way.
I kept on thinking where i can possibly looked for that certain amount and i lost tract of time. we (my sister and i) needed someone to sponsor us in our studies and send us to a review center. and who should we call? our super hero, our eldest sister.
and i kept on visualizing what would my sister looked like when she hears this one. i know she's not so feeling good right now and her body aches like hell since she had been working her butt off just to send me and my sister to school.
an hour had past and i went on line, send my sister an off line message telling her that we needed money the soonest possible. and i was in tears. it was like, i dont want my sister to be so hard working and i know she needed to rest and yet she doesnt have any choice but to work double time because we needed her.
then some realization sinked in. when i was young i had everything i needed and wanted, i grew up well provided by my father and even grew up with yaya hanging around. when we got broke, i leaned to stand on my own together with my remaining family, im not the typical damsel in distress type and i grew up independently, learning my lesson in a hard way and eventually became a better person.
now that i grow old and a lil mature, i have no father whom can provide me with material things and now, im still broke.
i wasn't raised the way other people are raised. and im not used to asking help in other people, for as long as i can carry myself up, i will stand and surpass everything. though there are times that i am tempted to accept offers from strangers or from other concern people and yet, i turned down their offer and put on an assuring smile that i will be fine. its not that my pride is soaring high and that i dont want to be pitied, but, pity would be the last thing that i needed.
i only got one thing in life. principles. moral principles at that. i always believed that i cannot have everything that i wanted, and if i needed something and its a matter of life and death, i need to earn it. it wont be given to me in a silver platter.
when money talks, people listen. thats the normal thing. though now that someone offered me a very tempting offer, it would be nice to just simply accept it and moved on with life. but i dont want to have this gratitude or this "utang na loob" forever. i just cant live my life that way.
i dont want to borrow money to other people, yet i do not know where to find that exact amount to pay that person i owed money to. i am not raised this way and i dont have the guts to change what i believe my parents instill in me.
for now? i dont know where to get that enough money to send me and my sister in a decent place in the city for our review. im broke. but i know i can surpass this one. this is just one of the test God had made for me. he wont give this to me, if he knew i cannot over come this.
i am not the only one in this whole damn world having this type of problem. there are other people with much more bigger issues to face. much more bigger problems to solve. i can still carry on with this. i know i can. i know my family can. :)