equivocal - adjective which is synonymous to obscure. it is being hazy, indistinct, doubtful, dubious, questionable, indeterminate. it is characterized by a mixture of opposing feelings.
--=The Meriam-Webster Thesaurus=--
why am i starting my piece like this? very unusual huh? so i was here, having clean fun and just doing nothing. staring blankly on this clean piece of monitor, waiting for the right thoughts to fill in on my mind.
earlier this day, someone sent me an SMS asking me how i am, and i was like, am doing fine, thanks for asking, who are you? i dont know the guy and his number just popped out in the cellphones' screen and eventually asked me how i am. i later found out that he was the guy that i have met a couple of months ago when i was applying for a summer job. so he directly asked me if i have a boyfriend, so i told him the truth, im single and i dont have any commitments, and he was like, ok. so am i. he was bluntly honest and it was funny when he asked me if its okey with me if he'd pay me a visit and said he was eager to meet my family. he was also proud in saying that he's not the possessive - jealous type of guy and i was like? what the hell? what? yeah right.. haha.. then i started laughing. he was a mass communication graduate coming from a decent school at davao city. he is in his early 30's and is presently applying for a job at the local city hall. he was asking if its possible that we go out on a date and i was like, what? ill think about that first. so i left him there hanging and i fell asleep.
it has been two months now and this other guy is asking me out on a date. he is in his mid 20's and he's a military soldier... this guy is so eager to meet me and every time he's in town, he asks me out on a date and i was like, im not ready to go on date, can we see each other some other time? lets say... about 10 years from now? and he was like... what? can it be more sooner? then i start to laugh. a good friend gave my cellphone number number to this military guy and we started exchanging thoughts through SMS. i even made fun at him during our first hour of exchanging thoughts. and so, late this night, he send me another invitation, and said, he'll be in town and if its possible that we go out on a date. as usual, i said hey, its raining and im feeling sleepy, besides, my tummy aches and my head is kinda spinning. darn that reasons. haha its been awhile and still, i have not made up my mind. if i will go on a date with him or not, nah... i still have a lot of things to think and dating is not one of my priorities.
anyway, another good friend, this one is a chat friend. we've met in a chat room where i found most of my brothers. i used to tease him because i kept on saying that almost all of those who belongs to his clan are womanizers. and he was like? what? im not. then i started laughing because most of them disagrees with me and just say, they are just lovely people and they accommodate people and give plain entertainment, nothing more, nothing less. when i was in an out of town duty about a couple of months ago, he kept on calling me on the phone. he was then in the middle east and i was like having at least 5 30 minutes calls from him everyday for about a week. then i told him never to call me too often, and he should stop calling me because its expensive, and he was so nice when he told me, that its just money and he said that all he wanted was for me to be happy and not feel alone since im 150km. away from home. when i got home and was so sick, he said: i dont want you to be sick. i want you to be happy, and i was like, am i in cloud nine or what? we talked about almost everything. life, work, school, duties, just everything. i once asked him, what if, just what if, he falls in love with me? or i fall in love with him, what will happen? he just bluntly said: one of us must be very sure about that feeling and should be honest. and all i cay was, ahh... ok. few had months had passed and he became so busy with his work. going from one country to another doing business. he is working in a shipping firm or something like that. he's a guy whose in his mid 30's and enjoying being single. and i was like asking: you're not getting any younger, why didn't you settle down when you were younger? and he just said that he's enjoying his being single and he's traveling so much and he's having fun traveling form one country to another and getting married is not on his list of priorities, and all i can say was: ahh... i guess you have a point. and so, without any word being uttered, he was gone. months had passed and i learned that he was in china still doing business and working his butt. so, i was like, ok. be safe and he was gone again. a very unlikely afternoon, two days ago, my phone kept on ringing and the number is not registered in my phone book, so i hesitated to answer it, but it kept on ringing, so i picked it up and answered it, i was like: hello, who's on the line please? then he said: jet? its me... blah blah blah.. and i was like.. waaaaaa... you're in the Philippines already? and he was like, yeah. then we started talking again, and he was like, what about our plan? will you come and go here in manila and see me? or ill buy the round trip tickets and you'll fly early morning and be home before the sun sets, and i was like.. what? thats a very tempting offer, but i hesitated. so he planned again and said, if i don't want to go in manila, maybe he come over to davao and i was like, ok. if that would fit your schedule. and he said, if we're going to see each other, then that's something not so ordinary, and our so called "relationship" will go one step higher. and i was like: what? huh? and he said: why? what do you want then? and so i answered him, im not really the type who hopes too much because i don't want to be disappointed, so i told him, if what comes along, that would be fine for me, if in the end its you and me, then so be it, then if its not, then it will never be. a night after, he was gone. no text message, no call, and up to this day no communication. what was that? well, thats why i don't like "hoping" to much, i don't want to be disappointed and regret.
so whats the bottom line of this all? well, now? am confused, im having pretty much second thoughts. i don't want to go on a date because.. i don't know. i don't want to be committed in a relationship because im still not sure if im ready. for now? its nice to know that people notice me despite the fact that im not sexy, in not pretty. insecurities are filling me in this past days and yet i realized that im more pretty when im not stressed out and im more pretty in my simple and uncanny way.
ill end this here. have a great week you all :)
--=The Meriam-Webster Thesaurus=--
why am i starting my piece like this? very unusual huh? so i was here, having clean fun and just doing nothing. staring blankly on this clean piece of monitor, waiting for the right thoughts to fill in on my mind.
earlier this day, someone sent me an SMS asking me how i am, and i was like, am doing fine, thanks for asking, who are you? i dont know the guy and his number just popped out in the cellphones' screen and eventually asked me how i am. i later found out that he was the guy that i have met a couple of months ago when i was applying for a summer job. so he directly asked me if i have a boyfriend, so i told him the truth, im single and i dont have any commitments, and he was like, ok. so am i. he was bluntly honest and it was funny when he asked me if its okey with me if he'd pay me a visit and said he was eager to meet my family. he was also proud in saying that he's not the possessive - jealous type of guy and i was like? what the hell? what? yeah right.. haha.. then i started laughing. he was a mass communication graduate coming from a decent school at davao city. he is in his early 30's and is presently applying for a job at the local city hall. he was asking if its possible that we go out on a date and i was like, what? ill think about that first. so i left him there hanging and i fell asleep.
it has been two months now and this other guy is asking me out on a date. he is in his mid 20's and he's a military soldier... this guy is so eager to meet me and every time he's in town, he asks me out on a date and i was like, im not ready to go on date, can we see each other some other time? lets say... about 10 years from now? and he was like... what? can it be more sooner? then i start to laugh. a good friend gave my cellphone number number to this military guy and we started exchanging thoughts through SMS. i even made fun at him during our first hour of exchanging thoughts. and so, late this night, he send me another invitation, and said, he'll be in town and if its possible that we go out on a date. as usual, i said hey, its raining and im feeling sleepy, besides, my tummy aches and my head is kinda spinning. darn that reasons. haha its been awhile and still, i have not made up my mind. if i will go on a date with him or not, nah... i still have a lot of things to think and dating is not one of my priorities.
anyway, another good friend, this one is a chat friend. we've met in a chat room where i found most of my brothers. i used to tease him because i kept on saying that almost all of those who belongs to his clan are womanizers. and he was like? what? im not. then i started laughing because most of them disagrees with me and just say, they are just lovely people and they accommodate people and give plain entertainment, nothing more, nothing less. when i was in an out of town duty about a couple of months ago, he kept on calling me on the phone. he was then in the middle east and i was like having at least 5 30 minutes calls from him everyday for about a week. then i told him never to call me too often, and he should stop calling me because its expensive, and he was so nice when he told me, that its just money and he said that all he wanted was for me to be happy and not feel alone since im 150km. away from home. when i got home and was so sick, he said: i dont want you to be sick. i want you to be happy, and i was like, am i in cloud nine or what? we talked about almost everything. life, work, school, duties, just everything. i once asked him, what if, just what if, he falls in love with me? or i fall in love with him, what will happen? he just bluntly said: one of us must be very sure about that feeling and should be honest. and all i cay was, ahh... ok. few had months had passed and he became so busy with his work. going from one country to another doing business. he is working in a shipping firm or something like that. he's a guy whose in his mid 30's and enjoying being single. and i was like asking: you're not getting any younger, why didn't you settle down when you were younger? and he just said that he's enjoying his being single and he's traveling so much and he's having fun traveling form one country to another and getting married is not on his list of priorities, and all i can say was: ahh... i guess you have a point. and so, without any word being uttered, he was gone. months had passed and i learned that he was in china still doing business and working his butt. so, i was like, ok. be safe and he was gone again. a very unlikely afternoon, two days ago, my phone kept on ringing and the number is not registered in my phone book, so i hesitated to answer it, but it kept on ringing, so i picked it up and answered it, i was like: hello, who's on the line please? then he said: jet? its me... blah blah blah.. and i was like.. waaaaaa... you're in the Philippines already? and he was like, yeah. then we started talking again, and he was like, what about our plan? will you come and go here in manila and see me? or ill buy the round trip tickets and you'll fly early morning and be home before the sun sets, and i was like.. what? thats a very tempting offer, but i hesitated. so he planned again and said, if i don't want to go in manila, maybe he come over to davao and i was like, ok. if that would fit your schedule. and he said, if we're going to see each other, then that's something not so ordinary, and our so called "relationship" will go one step higher. and i was like: what? huh? and he said: why? what do you want then? and so i answered him, im not really the type who hopes too much because i don't want to be disappointed, so i told him, if what comes along, that would be fine for me, if in the end its you and me, then so be it, then if its not, then it will never be. a night after, he was gone. no text message, no call, and up to this day no communication. what was that? well, thats why i don't like "hoping" to much, i don't want to be disappointed and regret.
so whats the bottom line of this all? well, now? am confused, im having pretty much second thoughts. i don't want to go on a date because.. i don't know. i don't want to be committed in a relationship because im still not sure if im ready. for now? its nice to know that people notice me despite the fact that im not sexy, in not pretty. insecurities are filling me in this past days and yet i realized that im more pretty when im not stressed out and im more pretty in my simple and uncanny way.
ill end this here. have a great week you all :)
No comments:
Post a Comment