What I Dont Understan About Married Life

what i dont understand about being married? yes. i am 21 years old and its hard to understand things you have not experienced.yesterday my world flared up and turned up side down. my dear friend and i fought about the usual things that we argued about. the only difference is that yesterday --- i honestly admit that i have been harsh and kinda brutal with the way i delivered my words.sadly, its about that guy again.my friend is not so happily married with her husband and they have this cute little baby boy. i adored her kid, he's intellegent, witty and stubborn. yes! he's so just like me. to cut the story short, my friend doesnt love her husband anymore. he has been away most of the time and he wasn't there in her times of distress. she was left alone when she was pregnant with their first child, even when she gave birth, she was still alone. her husband on the other hand was enjoying his life being a good sperm cell and a very good financialprovider. little did he noticed that while he was so into working for the future of his family, the lack of attention given to the wife and the relationship was being taken for granted. she later on fell out of love and tried to talked to her husband about this issues, she said that she wanted to call it quits for there's no reason prolonging the agony since she doesnt love him anymore. she's not happy. she has been unhappy most of the time. but sadly, her husband said: that she and their son are the only reason why he is still alive and breathing and he loves her so much that he cannot afford to loose her (them).my friend got addicted to chat and met several men on line, some she liked, and some she didn't even care a bit. but there's this one man whom she could not resist. she like this man so much but i came along and became so darmnly evil and i broke thier relationship off.no. i didn't have any relationship with the man and i wouldn't dare. but i told my friend to keep the relationship in a minimal moderation since she is lawfully married and she has a kid to protect. i even came into a point that i insulted the guy for my own pleasure, but since the guy is nice, i later made friends to him and agreed that they continue their relationship as long as they are discreet about it.a few months later, my friend broke up with they guy and the guy's life --- who's in middle east became misserable. he lost his job because he went in drunk. he messed up with his life and i pitied him for what happened.months had passed and the husband of my friend went home, sadly, as he opened the computer, he saw some pictures of that guy saved on a folder my friend owned. he calmly asked her who that guy was and he just said that he was just a mere friend.later, when she asked her husband to leave her ans set her free, he threatened my friend that if ever they separated, he will get their son and leave her. i know she wouldnt allow that to happen. her kid, her son, is the only most improtant thing in her life right now and i know she cannot leave her son to her husband. afterall, she was the on ewho raised her son alone, but yes, still with the finances supported by her husband. moving on with their life as a couple, her husband flew again to the place where he worked, thousand miles away, she was left alone with her kid, her husnad bought his own lap top to at least patch things up and to have their continues communication, because i know her husband is doing his best to live up with the lost times they didnt spent together. little did he know that he cannot patch things up with his wife anymore because as of the present moment, his wife is so into this other guy from the middle east. this other guy, the second guy whom i learned to hate so much. this other guy that causes multiple misunderstandings between me and my friend. this guy, who's also married (though sepated with his wife) has this great impact to my friends' life. this guy, who's most of the time the main reason why i and my friend argue. it was november 1 when i saw one of the emails i recieved from my friendster account. this person emailed me and asked: "jet, naa ko nakita na profile ni *****, moa ba to iyang bana? diba dili man? nagbago lagi ang nawong? kinsa diay to jet? mag comment unta ko sa pics bah, pero maulaw na ko kay basin og na mali ra ko og tan-aw, dili jud to ang akong nakita sa pinning bah" (jet, i saw the profile of *****, is that her husband? i guess not. the face changed. who is that jet? i wanted to post comments on the pictures but i hesitated because maybe im wrong. but thats not the face that i saw during our pinning ceremony) *** attached with the email, was the URL of that said site.i was confused and copy pasted the URL and looked for the site, and yes, i saw it there. i was not so shocked when i learned this, what matters to me most is the person who asked me. i didn't reply on the email and moved on with my day as if was okay and as if i saw nothing.it was fate that brought me in front of the computer and saw my friend online, and i was like, sitting on the chair and she was currently talking to that guy from the middle east.maybe due to falsely instinct, i started typing words. and said to the guy how much i disliked him for my friend and if he and my friend will end up together, i cannot accept him, i might as well, have no friend at all. and i wouldnt care a bit if he will tell my friend, if he copy paste everything, i wouldnt care.true to what i believed, he did copy paste everything. so my friend flared up and we fought the day after.i know oftern times ive been so bitchy and so evily. i am so tacless that i wouldnt even care if she hates me to her death.my only reason was this --- why cant she be so discreet about their relationship. why can't she wait for the things on the proper place at the proper time. other people have seen the profile, will she still wait for her husband to know what she has been up to while he was away working his butt out? she said she doesnt wasnt to loose her kid, i wouldnt want that to happent to her, if ive been so evil friend, i would have told her husband about her insanity and foolishness. but i kept my silence and let them both continue their relationhip as long as it is discreet, because i dont want her husband to have reasons --- enough proof that she has been unfaithful to him --- and get his kid away from her.is being morally right too hard to ask? is being discreet about the mysterious fire that youre burning too hard to ask? is being rightous too hard to ask?i told my friend to act her age. she's after all not getting any younger, she might as well think before someone get burned in a fire she continuously made.she said, she's ashamed because of my attitude, bitch and all, "un-educated" ---though i finished college --- and im not acting like a person who went to school. i said: thank you. i wouldnt say sorry because i insulted him (the guy that she "freakingly-love").the term in tagalog would be "bastos" ---- i said, i wouldnt say sorry kasi binastos ko siya, dahil sa isip isip ko, hindi pambabastos ang sinabi ko. he deserves to know the truth na kung sila magkakatuluyan, kalimutan na nyang me kapatid sya na jet jet ang pangalan.is being bruttaly honest and frank pambabastos now? yes. to some extent. but thats the truth.what if one day, her husband would find out about this mysterious things? and have enough proof about this things? and eventually files an annulment and get her kid. what will happen to her? bakit ba kasi hinahayaan nyang magkaroon ng grounds ang asawa nya makuha ang anak nila.sabihin man na wala syang pakialam sa sasabihin ng iba, 20 years from now, meron at meron pa ring magtatanong sa anak nila bakit nagkahiwalay ang mama at papa nya, and what would she feel kung ang isagot ng anak nya weh ganito: "naghiwalay ang magulang ko kasi nalaman ng papa ko na merong ibang lalake ang mama ko" how would she feel? would she be happy? would she be more ashamd of her self?the question is, possible ba itong sinasabi ko? yes or no. 50/50 chances. its her life. she has to deal with the facts. bakit ba kelangan nyang hintayin na 20 years from now, maging buhay ng anak nya ang buhay na dinadanas ko ngayon? hindi ba pwedeng ako na lang? enough na maging lesson para sa kanya kung pano ako naging misserable kasi everytime someone ask me kung san ang tatay ko, and naisasagot ko lang, andun sa kabit nya.she said i cannot understand her because im not married. yes. but i also know someone who has a marital problems --- my other friend. and yes, my other friend and her husband went on together with their life because they both exterted effort to make their married life work out. presently? she's pregnant. and happily married.she said: hindi ganun ka dali yun. yes. i know that. but her husband is doing his best to make up with her. but she's so into that other guy that he forgot to give improtance to her husband. when she was online, she will go invisble and ignore her husband --- and do what? she was there, happily talking to that other guy. is her husband doing and exerting effort? yes. is she noticing it? NO.she said: i am misserable. i was so furious and i replied: i am not misserable. i thought, what makes me misserable is that i cannot live a happy life because im still hooked with my idealism of a happy family. idealistic as i am. and i said, she was the one who's misserable. she has a failed marital relationship and she is more misserable than i am.she said, she liked the other guy. andun na ako. gusto nya ang lalake she's making her happy and she deserve to be happy, and after that happiness what? for how long? pano pag natapos na yung "happiness" na binigay ng guy sa kanya, she will wake up one day feeling un happy anymore? and feeling like she wanting someone else? ---- again?later that night --- i sais sorry. sorry because ive been so harsh. sorry because i took away that certain happiness. but im not sorry that i made bastos of the guy. kasi hindi ko naman binastos. factual lang talaga ang sinabi ko.kung hindi na sila magkaka-ayos pa ng asawa nya. so be it. pero wag syang gumawa ng paraan na magkaroon pa ng burden ang nanay sa kakaisip sa apo nya.kapatid ko by blood ang ikinukweto ko..me nakakita na ng profile na yun, she might as well delete that at wag na nyang hintayin pa na mismo ang asawa nya ang makakita nun at maka gather ng enough proof.ano ba talaga ang hindi ko maintindihan? ano ba talaga ang mahirap intindihin sa mga gusto ko? mahirap ba yun? or mal educada lang talaga ako kaya hindi ko maintindihan?as i sleep tonight, i will still be in tears.kung mali ang ipamukha sa kapatid ko ang pagkakamali nya, then tell me kung ano ang tama.