Happiness Is A Choice

i always believed that for someone to be able to keep up with a happy life after a broken heart she / he must not listen to a love song, or at least prevent himself / herself from hearing love songs playing over the damn radio.
so here i am again.
pouring myself and emotions and writing something about what my heart desires.
listening to a what???
Lonely Is The Night by Air Supply and This I Promise You by N'Sync...
so why am i trying to kill my self?
i just got my heart broken again, for the Nth time. yeah
you heard me right... for the Nth time. countless time.
where did it all start?
its a long story.
i just realize how important one person can be when he was already gone and now living his life peacefully without me.
he was really nice actually.
have you heard me saying that one already? haha
when i got my heart broken, i always see to it that i say nice things about them,
not out of pity or something.
but they have been nice and they really are. so i quote and quote...
"he is nice"
i got my heart broken, but i will eventually move on.
he is one of the nicest and sincerest person i have met.
to you... (im referring to the person involved)
i know, one day you will be able to read this blog...
i know its my damn mistake why we have to part ways.
i guess thats life.
happiness is a choice, and though im not happy with the choice i have made,
i have no choice but to live up with that decision.
i have decided to let go...
and it hurts... it hurts like hell...
but life has to move on.
i guess? my greatest advice for my self is that...
keep away from the pc...
never listen to sad / love songs...
keep your self pre-occupied and busy...
and stop thinking about the worng things you've done and refrain from thinking about the joyful moments you have done together but savor the memories.
moving on...
the problem with me is that,
im protecting myself too much...
and even though im hurt, i kept on letting others feel and see that im not hurt and im just perfectly fine.
pretending to be strong even though im on my weakest.
i have to be strong because if got no one to turn to...
i just cant sit on my nanay's lap and cry over the most senseless things.
someone told me: there's no use crying over a spilled milk.
but you see... not all things are considered a spilled milk.
something feels so good and feels so right and special, that you just cant help yourself but cry.
he is not just a spilled milk.
he is something more precious than a milk...
hahaha... do i make any sense? damn!
you might ask...
when was the last time i cried?
hmm... that i can hardly remember...
you see....
i tend to forget about that not so nice things that happened in my life.
why? so that it wont haunt me when im asleep or something like that.
its a psychological matter or something... a defense mechanism...
haha... see?
haayyy...
ill end this story telling now...
i will leave you with a song by NSYNC... this i promise you...