it was one weird chance that i could not possibly resist. to analyze and reflect on things. to visualize things like i've never done it before.
someone told me that instead of using the word : we or us, we should focus on the "i" part of life. in every aspect of life, i tried to reflect and see things in different manner. but this one is a bit more different. this one is lil bit more intense and a lil bit more mature.
let me start with this thought: human as we are, we commit mistakes. thats a fact every one should try to accept. most often than not, i commit mistakes. loads of them actually, i commit different mistakes on different occasions. the same old mistakes all over again and i thought i learned something on it, but lil did i notice that i did not.
it was a simple analogy, as he stated it, that made me realize how bad person i have become for the past years of my life. treated life as if it was perfectly suited for me, tried to live a life that binds no boundaries.
he said: "kung ang isang baso na puno ng tubig, eh lalagyan mo ulit ng tubig, ano ang mangyayari? diba aapaw? kung sa tao pa, kung ang tubig ay knowledge, at ang baso ay ang tao, at pag ang isang tao ay puno at sarado na, sa palagay mo ba magiging open sya sa ibang ideas? opinions? suggestions? ang sagot ay hindi. so paano mo malalagyan ng tubig ang isang basong puno? eventually, you would empty the glass first before mo malagyan ng tubig ulit. bottom line is: if one wants to develop him/herself to become a better person, then one has to opened and empty him/herself".
word by word, line by line, it hits even better. and after listening (reading) to all this, i have come to my senses and realize things in a wider perspective. most often than not, i become so idealistic about some facts in life, the wanting of a perfect and ideal family is a part of it.
just like what happened to my sister and her case made me so frustrated. i failed to realize that human as she is, she is capable of doing mistakes and she also has a need. a need to feel love and wanted. the need to belong and to be cherished. she is married but not that happy. i now understand her that she is a woman who needs a man to be beside her in all the down fall in her life. i failed to realize that she cannot have all this because someone is too busy looking for money and failed to realize that he has a wife who needs him more than his money. a wife who needs his presence more than anything else. a wife who needs him physically more than just a minute of phone call. someone to hug and someone to cry on in the midst of everything.
and that husband wasnt there when she was pregnant or when she gave birth to their first son. he wasnt there when her father died. he wasnt there when her son is sick and is bought to the hospital to be treated. he wasnt there. as a woman, as a married woman, he wasnt there when she needed him most. when she took the local board, he wasnt there. he was no where to be found in the midst of distress and trouble. he wasnt there when the world turns their back on her. he wasnt there.
and someone has to fill that missing lil piece of her old self and she found that special feeling through someone who could give his time and spent it with her through simple jokes and simple chit chats. its not about her being involve with someone else. its her being just her.
i failed to see all this things because i was too busy dealing with all my ideals. i was so frustrated with the anxieties brought by the in coming local board that i failed to notice that i wasnt becoming logically correct. i failed to analyze this because i have closed my heart and mind with the reasons.
i was so into ideals and perfections that i didnt even noticed that i am just human too. that all this things she went through could possibly happen to me if im not careful enough. i always thought i am right and i stick to what is ideal, but failed to accept the fact that i wasnt really that ideal after all. and just like that glass full of water, the visions of perfections blinded me. my heart and mind was closed that i failed to accept anything.
i simply reflected about this facts because someone has slapped me with the truth through a simple analogy. as he stated: theres a room for change, and if it happens that you might try to change, change for the better.
to her: im sorry i failed to see this earlier. im sorry that i loved you with all the love there is in me that i failed to understand you a lil more better. im sorry i judged you easily that i failed to accept that human as you are, you commit mistakes and im sorry for all the things i said. it wasnt me talking. its the ideal jet2 talking thre, and since theres still room for change here, i guess it would be right too if i say sorry to the other person who's involve with this. for all the nasty words and all the hatred. im sorry.
just like what i said to him, change doesnt just happen over night. it will be a day to day learning for me. a day to day reflections. a day to day basis. i will just take things slowly and one day at a time. because at first, it was hard for me to understand what he said, its hard for me to accept everything that he said, i was confused and i was locked up with my thoughts. not until i decided that i have the need to open my mind and explore my visions and horizons a lil more wider.
life isnt just about what is perfect and what is ideal, and i am now, with total honesty, is having hard time breaking my ideals and suppressing what i think is right. because my ideals wouldnt fit everyone's ideals. what is perfect for me isnt perfect for someone else. and perfection, as he stated, is just a mind matter. and i would agree with him with that fact. we are imperfect.
all i needed all along is someone with the wrist of iron, an unbiased mind, a logical truth that binds reason and love. certainty and confidence. a certain someone who could turn my world in a 360 angle and allowed me to view other things in a different manner.
and just like a weary fish in an aquarium, seeing my reflection on the glass isnt that easy. alone and all, i even thought i can conquer the world as it is. i was able to see it but failed to address the truth with passion. saw it but didnt see it more deeper. i was trapped with the usual that i failed to look closer. a soul trapped with my ideals that i failed to understand the norms. a lost soul in depth with so much thoughts.
