Commitements

"when a guy is too good to be true,
never believe him,
most often than not,
its either he's married or he's gay."
- jet2-

fixated as i am, i have been fooled and had fooled around for quite a number of times. relationship base, i little by little am becoming sort of wiser, depending on a given scenario or situation. i am still pretty much coward to commit into a more deeper and healthier relationship with the opposite sex. it is not that i am a lesbian and my gender preference has turned a 360 twist, (note: i have no worries with the third sex society), its just that, i am still not into that "having-a-relationship" idea to a male specie.

i am just, at the moment, am afraid to commit emotionally for i am not ready psychologically. we all know that living in this world was never easy. we breathe, we eat, we fight for the things we believe in and we struggle in order to survive the everyday life.

i believe, that in order for me to settle and have a harmonious relationship to the opposite sex, i should first become more emotionally and psychologically stable so that when the time comes that i needed to give in to the needs of my better half, i am well aware that i am not throwing off away my own needs to fill his and most importantly, i am not throwing away myself for the benifits of others.

at 23 and at this moment, as i key in the words on the keyboards, i realised that there are much more ahead of me. the zest of my life is yet to come and i should be ready for each of it. i am not yet a full bloomed water lilly in a big ocean with thousand of school of fishes.

i know time will come that i will be emotionally and psychologically ready to commit and once i do --- it'll be for keeps. for now, i am settling for something special with a very special friend who never fails to amaze me in much more ways than one. i am human, very capable of making mistakes, but the good thing is, i am able to accept that i have done something wrong. i tend to control my emotion including the guilty pleasure of feeling "love".

for now, i am enjoying.