when i accepted the fact that i am in love with Mr. Right, i gave it my best shot. i informed him of my feelings towards him and i told him a dozen times how much he means to me and how important he is. distance sets me and Mr. Right apart but that didn't deter us from experiencing love more than we expected. by loving him, i never expected anything in return. i kept on saying: I LOVE YOU BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN U HAVE TO LOVE ME BACK.
i am as poor as a rat and i could not buy love out of him. even if i am rich, i know no one can buy out love from somebody. all i can offer is honesty and real love that goes beyond the boarder of internet and distance. i am just a typical girlfriend, mellow-dramatic, the jealous type. one day, i found things to be irrational. i never wanted to burst my anger and freak out on him, i don't want to tell him that i am dead jealous over a certain picture, he and our friend joked about. so i kept quiet. little did i know, he was then entertaining someone else. Mr. Right is sick, he always is from the day i met him 2 years back. but beyond all this facts, my love for him never ceases. i have strong faith in him and his capacity to over come what ever he is feeling. my love for him grew strong and much stronger from day after day that we continuously communicate through phone calls, texts, emails and chats.
the time wanted to be alone because i want to be silent and recount my thoughts, fate played a tricky game on Mr. Right and i. he wasn't feeling well then and he thought i left him the moment he needed me the most and instead drove him to someone else. but the truth is I NEVER DID LEFT HIM. all i wanted that time was to catch my breath and gather my crumpled senses. the time i came back to my being, he is in the hands of another woman. i wanted to crash myself up and beat my body to work til i couldn't open my eyes the morning after. i drowned myself with alcohol and flushed myself on the toilet a couple of times. i danced, i sang, i shouted, just to allow myself to express how mad i am and how devastated i am. i felt bad after doing it though. drowning myself in alcohol is never the solution, it is nonetheless an act of immaturity and childishness. yes. immaturity. i am immature. the way Mr. Right described my whole being. the day i woke up from my heavy long nightmare, the reality set in. i am no longer Mr. Right girlfriend. he is now Ms. Perfect's man. he wrongly believed that i left him and allowed him to be with that girl but i didn't, though i found it odd how this woman talked a lot about him when she haven't even met noel in the first place. she befriended me, and i befriended her. and with this friendship, she knew the real score between me and Mr. Right though we tried to hide it from the people around us, to lessen unwanted and fabricated stories from the people around us. however, from my point of view, i find the idea of them together as cute since they are of the same age bracket, same maturity, same length of achievements, same... just the same.
sadly now though, after fate played its trick on me and Mr. Right, everything ended as if nothing special happened for the past nine months. everything banished.
I NEVER PUSHED MS. PERFECT TO MR. RIGHT NOR HAVE I PUSHED MR. RIGHT TO MS. PERFECT. she was just there at the right time.
As i continuously typed this (as a form of reply to the status of my dear friend Irene) i asked myself:
1. if Mr. Right really loved me truthfully, why did he allow himself to fall for someone who just barged in into our relationship a few days after our misunderstanding? is he really that shallow as a person? or was his feelings for me too-good-to-be-true that it is nothing but PURE LIE? did he tell me he love me out of pity and a week later realized he didnt' love me after all?
2. the woman i am talking about, Ms. Perfect, she was a dear friend. i considered her as a friend, but then i asked myself: i know she already knew the real score between me and my noel even before they met, still, why did she allow herself to fall for someone who is already emotionally committed?
3. lets take out from the equation the norms of commitment, still, why did she allow herself to fall for noel when she already knew i am with him and he is with me? does friendship never mater nowadays?
4. if brain is much more powerful than mind, why did this things happened? isnt it factual to say that anatomically, brain is located on the upper part of the human body so that, at some very distinct point, the brain can actually manuever even a single percent of emotion a person can have? then why did her/his brain didnt tell her/him to just stop and think for a while... that if she and he will persue this emotion someone else might actually get hurt along the way?
5. lastly i asked myself: why am i actually recounting thoughts and asking things like this? why am i asking this? WHY DID SUDDENLY MR. RIGHT ENDED UP BEING MR. LEFT? tell me who am i to blame them for falling in love with each other? and who are they to hurt me this much?
to wrap this up, on the process of DABDA where denial.. anger.. bargaining.. depression and acceptance sets in... WHERE AM I NOW? IN WHAT STAGE I AM NOW?
A friend named Heide asked me... are you ok? i vocally answered. I AM NOT. if i would answer I AM OK, then i end up asking again, who am i trying to fool that i am ok? was it me? or was it the people around me?
I am HURT. deeply HURT at that. I AM COPING... I KNOW I CAN. even a song from a group 98 degrees stated: there will always be sunshine after the rain. when all things sets in, the reality strikes. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
"hindi ibig sabihin na nalanta na ang isang talulut ng rosas ang buong hardin ay mawawalan na ng saysay. oo maganda tingnan ang rosas na namumukadkad, pero darating din ang panahon na itoy nalalanta. NGUNIT darating din ang panahon na ang rosas ay muling magkakaroon ng isang panibagong bulaklak at tulad ng nakagawian na, itoy mamumukadkad at hahalimuyak ulit." --- jet
"in every sunset... sunrise will always set in, its a never ending cycle of nature" - jet2
2:12PM (+8GMT)
i am as poor as a rat and i could not buy love out of him. even if i am rich, i know no one can buy out love from somebody. all i can offer is honesty and real love that goes beyond the boarder of internet and distance. i am just a typical girlfriend, mellow-dramatic, the jealous type. one day, i found things to be irrational. i never wanted to burst my anger and freak out on him, i don't want to tell him that i am dead jealous over a certain picture, he and our friend joked about. so i kept quiet. little did i know, he was then entertaining someone else. Mr. Right is sick, he always is from the day i met him 2 years back. but beyond all this facts, my love for him never ceases. i have strong faith in him and his capacity to over come what ever he is feeling. my love for him grew strong and much stronger from day after day that we continuously communicate through phone calls, texts, emails and chats.
the time wanted to be alone because i want to be silent and recount my thoughts, fate played a tricky game on Mr. Right and i. he wasn't feeling well then and he thought i left him the moment he needed me the most and instead drove him to someone else. but the truth is I NEVER DID LEFT HIM. all i wanted that time was to catch my breath and gather my crumpled senses. the time i came back to my being, he is in the hands of another woman. i wanted to crash myself up and beat my body to work til i couldn't open my eyes the morning after. i drowned myself with alcohol and flushed myself on the toilet a couple of times. i danced, i sang, i shouted, just to allow myself to express how mad i am and how devastated i am. i felt bad after doing it though. drowning myself in alcohol is never the solution, it is nonetheless an act of immaturity and childishness. yes. immaturity. i am immature. the way Mr. Right described my whole being. the day i woke up from my heavy long nightmare, the reality set in. i am no longer Mr. Right girlfriend. he is now Ms. Perfect's man. he wrongly believed that i left him and allowed him to be with that girl but i didn't, though i found it odd how this woman talked a lot about him when she haven't even met noel in the first place. she befriended me, and i befriended her. and with this friendship, she knew the real score between me and Mr. Right though we tried to hide it from the people around us, to lessen unwanted and fabricated stories from the people around us. however, from my point of view, i find the idea of them together as cute since they are of the same age bracket, same maturity, same length of achievements, same... just the same.
sadly now though, after fate played its trick on me and Mr. Right, everything ended as if nothing special happened for the past nine months. everything banished.
I NEVER PUSHED MS. PERFECT TO MR. RIGHT NOR HAVE I PUSHED MR. RIGHT TO MS. PERFECT. she was just there at the right time.
As i continuously typed this (as a form of reply to the status of my dear friend Irene) i asked myself:
1. if Mr. Right really loved me truthfully, why did he allow himself to fall for someone who just barged in into our relationship a few days after our misunderstanding? is he really that shallow as a person? or was his feelings for me too-good-to-be-true that it is nothing but PURE LIE? did he tell me he love me out of pity and a week later realized he didnt' love me after all?
2. the woman i am talking about, Ms. Perfect, she was a dear friend. i considered her as a friend, but then i asked myself: i know she already knew the real score between me and my noel even before they met, still, why did she allow herself to fall for someone who is already emotionally committed?
3. lets take out from the equation the norms of commitment, still, why did she allow herself to fall for noel when she already knew i am with him and he is with me? does friendship never mater nowadays?
4. if brain is much more powerful than mind, why did this things happened? isnt it factual to say that anatomically, brain is located on the upper part of the human body so that, at some very distinct point, the brain can actually manuever even a single percent of emotion a person can have? then why did her/his brain didnt tell her/him to just stop and think for a while... that if she and he will persue this emotion someone else might actually get hurt along the way?
5. lastly i asked myself: why am i actually recounting thoughts and asking things like this? why am i asking this? WHY DID SUDDENLY MR. RIGHT ENDED UP BEING MR. LEFT? tell me who am i to blame them for falling in love with each other? and who are they to hurt me this much?
to wrap this up, on the process of DABDA where denial.. anger.. bargaining.. depression and acceptance sets in... WHERE AM I NOW? IN WHAT STAGE I AM NOW?
A friend named Heide asked me... are you ok? i vocally answered. I AM NOT. if i would answer I AM OK, then i end up asking again, who am i trying to fool that i am ok? was it me? or was it the people around me?
I am HURT. deeply HURT at that. I AM COPING... I KNOW I CAN. even a song from a group 98 degrees stated: there will always be sunshine after the rain. when all things sets in, the reality strikes. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
"hindi ibig sabihin na nalanta na ang isang talulut ng rosas ang buong hardin ay mawawalan na ng saysay. oo maganda tingnan ang rosas na namumukadkad, pero darating din ang panahon na itoy nalalanta. NGUNIT darating din ang panahon na ang rosas ay muling magkakaroon ng isang panibagong bulaklak at tulad ng nakagawian na, itoy mamumukadkad at hahalimuyak ulit." --- jet
"in every sunset... sunrise will always set in, its a never ending cycle of nature" - jet2
2:12PM (+8GMT)
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