Confused Again

a year ago
we used to talk
laugh
joke
then it ended there.
he was gone and no where to be found
i unknowingly nourished something extra special,
a certain friendship that meant a lot
more than a year passed and we've met again
he's such a snob person -- even before
but i liked him that way
i never dared say HI or HELLO
the thought of rejection makes me sick.
so one silent dawn
we started talking again
and laughed
and joked around
then im starting to like him even more
much more than what i felt before
it was a silent feeling that i never dared entertain
the night we talked
it seemed endless
it is so real
full of extra something --- that i couldn't even define
for 2 straight days --- we talked as if theres no tomorrow
and the emotions are at risk
i tried to control it
and tried to be as honest as i could possibly be
i was vocal about the idea of liking him
said, he likes me too
and im cool with that.
one night --- he was gone
and im left here alone
wondering what went wrong
its 3am on my watch and im still waiting
but there nothing
as i end this --- theres only one thing on my thoughts
to suppress the emotions while its still early
i dont want to be caught off guard
and end up feeling lost and broke
through suppression
i will be whole again, act as if it didnt hurt at all
now that he's nowhere to be found again
whats next?
and im so damn confused